LISTENING SKILLS FOR MEDIATORS
By Ron Kraybill
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GOALS
1. To create a supportive environment which helps people relax and focus on issues.
2. To develop rapport and trust with both parties.
3. To convey empathy and respect for each person, regardless of their beliefs, words, or conduct.
4. To be able to summarize concisely the essence of each party's view.
5. To be able to state clearly the basic problems that need to be resolved in terms of problems and issues, not personalities.
FOUR WAYS TO LISTEN EFFECTIVELY
1. Use your body to say "I'm listening".
a.) frequent eye contact;
b.) nodding the head;
c.) body oriented toward the speaker (head, arms, legs);
d.) say "yeah", "uh huh", "I see", etc.
2. Use "echo responses", repeating a word or phrase spoken by the speaker. This unobtrusively focuses the attention of the speaker on things which may be unclear to you. Echo responses allow you to direct the flow of conversation without major interruptions.
3. "Paraphrase" or restate what the speaker has said in your own words. This is a crucial skill that requires practice.
a.) Focus on the speaker. "You...";
b.) Include both facts and feelings. Body language and tone of voice will clue you to feelings.
c.) A paraphrase contains no hint of judgment or evaluation, but describes empathetically.
1.) "So you believe very strongly that. . ."
2.) "The way you see it then. . ."
3.) "You were very unhappy when he. . ."
4.) "You felt quite angry with your neighbor in that situation. . ."
5.) "If I'm understanding you correctly, you. . ."
4. Summarize the basic viewpoints of the speaker as you have heard them. A summary is an extended restatement of the key points of information offered by the speaker. Use summary to focus each party's statement in terms of issues and solvable problems, instead of personalities. In the final summary, obtain the agreement of the speaker that you have summarized both accurately and completely.
© 1987 Mennonite Conciliation Service
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