PREPARING PARTIES
FOR RECONCILIATION
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PURPOSE OF PREPARATION:
1. To assess nature of conflict and its suitability for this process.
2. To assess parties' willingness to look at conflict from a spiritual perspective.
3. To slow down the parties so they can focus on both content and emotional issues more objectively.
4. To help parties gain understanding of Jesus' process to resolve conflict and Biblical mandate to use this process.
5. To prepare parties spiritually for resolving conflict and reconciling relationships.
6. To emphasize that spiritual preparation is necessary to gain a spiritual solution.
STEPS IN PREPARATION:
1. Gather minimal information on telephone. Set face-to-face meeting if possible, having them bring a pastor or spiritual counselor with them.
2. Pray for party - ask others to pray (no specific details).
3. Educate on Biblical mandate to use process in I Corinthians 6: 1-7, Matthew 18:15-20, and Matthew 5:23-24. Check to see if Matthew 18:15 has been followed. If not, educate them on this step.
4. Educate on mediation/arbitration procedures and clarify options.
5. Discuss fee schedule according to current policy.
6. Gather information on dates, times, and places to meet.
7. Explain and give Readiness for Reconciliation booklet to assist in preparation.
8. These steps may take more than one face-to-face meeting with each party.
POSSIBLE ISSUES IN PREPARATION OF PARTIES
DURING INITIAL TELEPHONE CONVERSATION OR INITIAL MEETINGS,
THESE QUESTIONS MAY NEED TO BE ADDRESSED:
1. What church sponsors CCS?
2. What types of Christians work with CCS?
3. What services does CCS offer?
4. How does this differ from court?
5. What will this cost?
6. How long will this take?
7. Will you or someone from CCS represent me in court?
8. Can what I say be used against me in court?
9. What sort of evidence can I present?
10. Why must you talk with my pastor before you accept this case?
11. What is the difference between mediation and arbitration?
12. Why shouldn't I just go to court?
13. Will a decision from you be enforceable in court?
14. Can my lawyer be present at any meetings?
15. Who is allowed to come to these meetings?
16. Will you award punitive damages?
17. What do you mean by "church discipline"?
THE GOOD AND BAD OF PRIVATE SESSIONS
BEFORE THE CONCILIATION PROCESS BEGINS
I. ASSETS OF PRIVATE SESSIONS: One important means of enabling reconciliation is the preparation of parties through private meetings with each individual disputant before the formal problem - solving joint session. Among the advantages of such sessions are the following:
A. Opportunity to break cycle of recrimination and negative reaction.
B. More likely to enable openness and admissions of wrongs.
C. Confrontation can occur with less threat or appearance of bias.
D. Minimize posturing and advocacy.
E. Enables conciliators to encourage party to clean up the story - reduce exaggeration, eliminate peripheral issues, be specific.
F. Enables more timid or reserved parties an opportunity to "have the floor".
G. Is an occasion for personal ministry by the conciliator to the individual.
H. Allows exploration of alternative solutions, hypotheticals, and areas of compromise.
II. DANGERS OF PRIVATE SESSIONS
A. Unchallenged slander and gossip.
B. Possible distrust and suspicion on the part of parties who do not know what is being said or done.
C. A party may seek to focus on the absent party rather than on their own conduct or role.
D. Time spent with individual may result in substantial delay in the process of confrontation between parties which may in some circumstances exacerbate problems.
E. Conciliator may be subject to seduction by the unchallenged account of one party. (Note: Proverbs 18:17)
F. Potential that conciliator is forced to become advocate or defender of absent party, threatening neutral role.
G. May create a psychological identification of a party with a particular mediator.
H. Danger that the private sessions create an artificial, "programmed" peace rather than a genuine confrontation and reconciliation.
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