Conflict Resolution 7

RIGHT ATTITUDES

TOWARD DIFFERENCES

I DIFFER FROM YOU

but that doesn't mean I am rejecting you,

or that I don't value our relationship.

So hear what I am saying

without feeling rejected

or worthless

or unloved.

YOU DIFFER FROM ME

but that doesn't mean

I am wrong and you're right,

or that I am less and you are more,

or that we cannot value and enjoy our relationship.

So after saying what you want me to hear,

listen to what I have to say.

And after listening to each other,

let's work out our differences

in a way that preserves our love for each other.

RIGHT ATTITUDES

TOWARD DISAGREEMENT

I DISAGREE WITH YOU

but that doesn't mean I am attacking you,

or that I care about you any less than when I am agreeing with you.

So hear what I am saying

without feeling put down

or condemned

or that there is nothing I like about you.

YOU DISAGREE WITH ME

but it is alright for people to disagree

as long as they do not let their disagreement

drive them apart.

So I will listen to you

without feeling attacked or offended

knowing that you want to be understood as much as I do.

Then you can listen to me,

and we can work toward a resolution

that will help our relationship grow

rather than stagnate or die.

RIGHT ATTITUDES

TOWARD CONFRONTING

I MUST CONFRONT YOU

not because I am angry with you,

though I may be,

but because I love you and care about what happens to you

and to our relationship.

So hear what I am saying

without getting defensive and hostile

or growing silent and withdrawing

or thinking I am just being critical.

Hear me as one who cares about you

and longs for continued relationship with you.

YOU ARE CONFRONTING ME

and it hurts to hear some of the things you are saying.

But I want to know what I am doing to hurt you

because you matter to me.

So I will listen,

resisting the temptation to defend and attack back

or walk away and act as if you don't matter to me.

I care about you,

and I don't want to hurt you.

Let's work this out together

so we can grow closer together.

RIGHT ATTITUDES

TOWARD CHANGE

I AM ASKING YOU TO CHANGE

for the sake of our relationship.

However, I realize it will take time and hard work

before lasting change is achieved.

Therefore, I am not asking you

to be perfect immediately

or to put in the hard work

without my patient support and encouragement

or to ignore changes I need to make.

YOU ARE ASKING ME TO CHANGE

and I will do my best

because I care about you and our relationship, too.

But relationships are not one-sided.

So join me in setting goals for changes we both need to make.

Join me in tracking our progress

so we can see how far we've come

and how far we still need to go.

Let's help each other when we are weak.

After failure, let's renew trust rather than nurture suspicion.

Let's work through this together for the sake of our relationship.

IN YOUR OWN WORDS

Describe your present attitude toward conflict.____________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What part of your attitude toward conflict should you change?_____________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What would your new attitude look like?__________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Describe the right attitude toward confronting.____________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What part of your attitude toward confronting should you change?_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What would your new attitude look like?__________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Return To Chapter 6

Return To The Table Of Contents

Move On To Chapter 8

Revised 2020